When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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