thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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