If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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