Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
