I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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