My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
