Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
