Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
