Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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