Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
