Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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