I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
