Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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