i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
