hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
