She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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