She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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