how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
