just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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