she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
