no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
