I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
