why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is the high leading the old right now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
