LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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