i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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