in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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