Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
