I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
