i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
