I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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