we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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