The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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