im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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