Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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