Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ttyl tear gas
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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