did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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