It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
