bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
