I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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