Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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