omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
