Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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