he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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