Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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