farters have to be the big spoon...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
