I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
