just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
