cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
