Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you didnt know i had herpes?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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