I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
