i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
