you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
