im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
