Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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