Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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