you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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