i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
