just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
