how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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