she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
