The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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