At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
