I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
