you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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